I've Been Diagnosed

Tajuk macam horror je.

Today I am relieved to know that there is a condition to label this thing that I have. It is called White Coat Syndrome. A person who has this will suddenly be in a stressful situation when meeting a physician, especially with a specialist or when doing a medical check up. As soon as the Doctor leaves the room or vice versa, things eases to normal.

I now believe I do have this condition all this while. I am simply terrified when seeing a Doctor. It used to be very stressful when meeting with my current regular physician. But I think I got used to the Doctor over a time. In this case, it takes three years to lower the stresses away. I'm not quite calm yet though. I still have goose bumps when meeting my Doctor.

I'm not sure whether this condition is dangerous or not to my overall health. I mean, whenever I meet a Doctor, he or she will definitely think I am sick based on the reading. This upsets me. I know I am not sick. My physician can tell you that. I have taken no meds thus far and I intend to keep it that way. I will be in trouble when seeing a stranger Doctor, unfortunately. This is not good.

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I've been keeping my promise in living a healthier life.

I recall year after year, I kept adding more and more weight. I reached my highest scale sometime in mid 2008. I didn't think about it much then. To me, it was expected. A natural trend. Then, something suddenly came over me. I think it was about the time when I started to write again here. I'm not sure what it was. I'm just thankful that I finally stepped up and do something about it.

So from then onwards, my aim was to reduce weight every year. I'm happy to report that I am on track. I've lost about seven kilos and managed to maintain it at present time. I know it is not a lot, but this is the best weight lost in all my life.

I know I've been very slow at this. No one, except for my physician and the receptionist at my office took notice of my weight loss. I don't think my own family realise this as well. I'm so glad these two strangers has been giving me the motivation I needed to continue this strive. Personally I don't think this is an easy journey. It takes a lot of energy and discipline to do one correct thing. Definitely it is easier said than done.

I need additional boost of motivation every now and then. My motivation has always been emotional reward rather than tangible ones. In perspective, losing dress size does not motivate me as much as getting more people to look at me twice. Do you think so?

I wish I can earn income while attending a boot camp or something to make a drastic change onto myself. But then, no one is ever generous enough to sponsor such thing at a time of crisis like now. I always wish there is one out there nevertheless. I keep my hopes high.