Musicians are hot!

I never put a thought into it much until recently. I’ve been scanning through things that I like and that I hate. Mostly my likes are surprisingly … a revelation. The things I hate … well, let’s just say I re-affirmed them.

Firstly I like music, so much more now. I was pretty much babbling (in my attempt to sing) day after day, at night, in my car, on some music that I find amusing until I got myself into a sore. Man, I hope those who heard me turned deaf once I had my groove on. I think it is a way to make me more confident … more assuring of myself. It is a selfish reason to start “babbling” all night. Hehe. It was sure fun to me.

Then this thing about getting attention has been bugging me. Of course singing alone is an indulgence. But as when I had the chance to show off some talents in front of people whom I pretty much make a fool of myself in, I get this rush… hmm… adrenaline maybe… excitement that I could not muster till now. Why am I excited, at all? Hell, I don’t know.

It is actually nice to get people noticed of you somehow. In my case, to be positively noticed. Whooaa… I don’t want to be caught red-handed on scandalous gossip. Ever. It somehow boosts you up. Give you the extra energy that you thought you never had in you. Of course till now I couldn’t really embrace the extra attention. I’m still hiding in my shy, self-conscious inner element. Definitely that stays in me forever! It makes it too difficult to just look at my audience in the eye and say, “Yup you are right! I’m awesome.”

I guess I cannot take complementary as easy or light as it sounds. I remembered there was a time when a boy actually came up to me and said congratulations because I just got my first “nombor satu dalam kelas” after more than three years at school. Of course this happened during my hormonal raging years. I was too shy to own it. The boy was obviously the brightest of us all in my year. He was the “nombor satu dalam kelas” of his own, in the selected elite students. Haha. What I did then? I faced him, dumbstruck, said a quick thanks and run away … Not really running la, but it was a quick swift. And hide myself for the whole day. A friend saw the congratulatory incident and became outrageously jealous. I was afraid to loose the friendship. So I just brush away the memory of it all, denying it ever took place.

Thereafter, my reactions turned out to copy similar reaction. I am, the very least, admit that I am pretty good in academic and in playing chess. Teachers, coaches, friends, judges, would go to me to celebrate my triumph every time I succeeded. I was so afraid to look arrogant (I felt arrogant, no denying that) in claiming my winning, at the end I would timidly make a small smile and just like that my face would play a poker face. Not showing how exceedingly happy I was to be so good in what I do. I have no idea what they would thought of me then…

Back to this music thing, my liking of it has grown so much that it clouded my mind in my choices. Like any single ladies at my age, we always wonder what type of a guy would we date… who would we eventually like to consider as possible life partner. I’ve always thought that my choice is always open. I simply don’t care who I date.

However this troubles me. I don’t seem to like someone long enough to consider the possibility. Maybe my choices have been too widely ranged that I couldn’t point out exactly why I like the guy in the first place. Oh my… how hard is this going to be?

So I deliberated so much in my head (too many times) that I think what’s wrong here is I cannot stick around with anyone until I can make my mind on what I really like in my man. Huh… can this be any difficult for me? This is really a tough call.

I seriously do not want to be a stuck up female who chooses selectively and carefully to the very detail on their mate. It just diminish my range of choices if I’ve been too specific and choosy. Let’s not be. So I guess for now, I am thinking that music would be my “now” criteria. I need to find me a musician.

Actually, I don’t mean an active musician. Someone with the skill on a piano would be suffice. Maybe drums too… The only guitar player I like is the one who can play the axe guitar, aka “gitar kapak”. Haha… Maybe this way we get to be compatible in some ways. I like babbling and he likes to play the music sheet. It all would work out, right?

Let’s hope so. Oh btw, Jason Mraz is my boyfriend in my other life. So is Debussy.